Hey, Need A Tanning Coach?

You do, if you don’t want to go home either pasty white or lobstery red. The proper tan is important, you need to do it right
BY: MARSHA MELLOW

Among the more important things you didn’t know you need is your own personal tanning coach. If you think having one of those is not important, just think back to before fitness coaches were with us. You didn’t think you needed one of those and now many of us don’t think we can get along without one. And admit it, you do look better now that you’ve got that personal coach who whipped you into shape. A tanning coach is a lot more fun, because you don’t have to go to all that trouble of lifting weights or jumping up or down.

sun busters.jpgA tanning coach saves you from picking up the sun block every couple of hours and slathering more of the stuff on. And, wait a minute, you’re here to turn a nice brown so you can make your friends in Seattle turn a nice green with envy, so why are you holding up that process with sun tan lotion? What if you slather on too much of the sun block and, horrors, step off the plane in Seattle the same pasty white as when you left? You will have spent a couple of grand on this trip, all for nothing.

Or what if you didn’t slather the gooey stuff on and you burn so badly you had to stay out of the sun for next six days of your week’s vacation? This beach vacation thing is fraught with dangers, and we’re hoping you’re beginning to see just how vital it is to hire a well trained tanning coach.

Sun Busters to the rescue.

Sun Busters is out of Puerto Vallarta and the two owners have washed up on our shores in an attempt to expand their tanning empire. Marty Flores and Hernan Gonzalez are making the rounds, calling on resorts, trying to franchise their business. So far they’ve met with lots of, “we’ll think about its,” despite their well documented success in PV. That’s the way these large resorts operate, all the more if they’re Mexican run, as nobody wants to go on record as trying something new.

The science behind this business model, (yes, Marty tells us, there is a science behind it, this isn’t just an excuse to lotion up the pretty Gringas). The science behind it includes a carefully formulated concoction of just the right amount of lotion to tan, not burn.

First, they read the tanner’s skin tone, then they mix up just the right formula of tan/don’t tan chemicals, and then they log you in to their tanning schedule. At just the appropriate moment, they rush over to your chaise lounge and spray you down again with a lotion from the tank on their back. You could say the tank looks like a scuba tank with fun painting on it, or you could be less kind and say it looks, in conjunction with the spray wand connected to it, like what you would see a pest control guy using. But that’s what makes it fun.

The young guys and gals in charge of keeping you safe are trained to make it fun while they optimize your sun time. While they spray you down, then roll you over and spray your other side, (why don’t they just put you on a spit?) they make a big hoopla out of it, and suddenly, you’re the envy of the chaise lounge set, and everyone lying around the pool feels peer pressured into hiring their own tanning coach.  But that’s OK, because your pool mates are from some godforsaken place like Portland so your friends won’t be comparing your tan with theirs. No, your tan will be a standout at home. Your tan will be celebrated as the grandest, most perfect tan ever, and you will know that you took the safe route to Tan Town, not exposing yourself to any of the bad rays, and the docs will not be carving cancer out of your golden brown skin in your old age. No, Sun Warrior, you will have the perfect tan, perfectly acquired. All this for about 20 Gringo bucks, for the entire day, a steal.

Here’s how this UV and skin treatment will help promote a healthy tan. The application consist of five steps, which will take about 10 minutes of your time. The treatment helps hydrate and protect your skin with hypoallergenic, biodegradable and waterproof products: Here’s the drill:

1. Roses Water Spray. This helps to open the pours and cools the skin.

2. Aloe Cream. Mexico’s famous “Green Cream” Mosturizes the skin with Aloe & Vitamin A, E.

3. Carrot and Avocado Gel. Has natural bronzers to help enhance your tan and assist in tanning areas that are harder to tan.

4. Coconut Oil Mist. Hydrates the skin and assist in getting that deep bronze tan.

5. Sunblock and mini massage. We apply an SPF equal to your skin type. Here’s where you get pampered, we also provide a mini massage to help you relieve even more stress. We also provide some tips and instructions to help you get the most out of our treatments and better enjoy your day in the sun.

But, that’s only if Marty can find somebody in this town who will buy a franchise for their patented system. If there are any forward thinking resort owners out there who can get off the pot and make a decision, and who want to keep their precious guests safe, call the guys at 322 306 0267. They have a website, www.sunbustersmx.com.